|
 On
November 18, Christopher Brownlee found his 15-year-old brother Ben
hanging from the garage, a thick black rope that he used to walk his
animals tied around his neck. Christopher and his mother had long since
accepted Ben as Tesia Samara—a girl who, in her own
words, was “trapped in a ‘male’ body.” Suddenly the pressure of
being different in the small town of Rockdale, Texas, became too much for
her.
Like many stories
similar to this, it took a long time before anyone really took notice.
Even those of us in the GLBT press didn’t hear about until a month after
Tesia’s suicide. Only now, when her mother has decided to find out what
really happened has it become a “story.”
Tesia’s mom, Karen
Johle said Tesia was upbeat on the Tuesday morning of her suicide when she
left for school. She had been in counseling for some time and her
therapist believed that her thoughts of suicide had lessened in the last
few weeks. So it was an even greater shock when Johle came home and could
not find Tesia. At first Johle thought Tesia was at the local cemetery
where she liked to go to write poetry, listen to music and get away from
everything. When she found all of Tesia’s shoes in her closet and her
headphones and CDs nearby, Johle knew something was wrong.
Ben grew up In Rockdale,
a town of about 4,500 people, 60 miles northeast of Austin, and had lived
there all his life. His father left when he was a toddler. When he finally
started to dress the way he felt, Tesia emerged. She grew her hair long
and started to wear hip-huggers and make-up. Her family accepted her as
Tesia, but school was another story.
Johle said Tesia endured
the taunts and teasing of her classmates who knew her as a boy for most of
her life, but now saw her dressed as a girl on a daily basis. Everyday he
was called “gay boy, fag boy, hair girl.”
Tesia had recently seen
an episode of Oprah about transgenderism and was determined to begin
hormone therapy and have a sex-change operation. She was in contact with
one of the guests from that show who was helping guide her in the right
direction.
She had even written a
letter to one of her teachers, trying to explain her situation and asking
for the educator’s help when it came to difficult situations. “I
mainly run into sticky situations at school,” she wrote. “For
instance, when they separate the females from the females (sic) for the
nurse’s scoliosis testing, those kinds of things are hell for me. I
wanted you to know this so that maybe you can help me to avoid some the
hard and embarrassing times I could have. So if you happen to call me
‘her’ on accident, let’s just say that I wouldn’t be unhappy.”
Tesia was very informed
about her situation. She had researched the condition known as gender
dysmorphia, which leads to the feeling that a person is in a body of the
wrong sex. She knew her options when it came to surgeries to correct the
problem and was prepared to undergo the difficult gender reassignment
surgery. She had been taking hormones for three months—Spirotone and
Premarin—that she bought off the Internet. While she knew she would
never really be accepted 100 percent at school, she had the love of her
family and a few good friends who understood her situation and accepted
her for who she was.
That is why Johle
believes something happened after school that day that led to Tesia taking
her own life. There are rumors going around school that some classmates
had assaulted and urinated on Tesia after school that day. Police have
looked into it and believe it is just a rumor, but Johle feels
differently.
Despite the fact the
Tesia had attempted suicide twice before (though only once that his mother
was aware of), Johle still believes Tesia was provoked on November 18. The
Principal and teachers had all spoken to Tesia in the weeks leading to her
death and felt she was adjusting well and was handling the pressure as
best she could. She had been doing well in her counseling sessions at
Waterloo Counseling Center and Johle believed Tesia was combating her
suicidal thoughts well.
Lt. J.D. Newlin of the
Rockdale Police Department investigated the rumor of an attack but could
find no evidence to support the suspicions. He interviewed a teacher and
several students but came to a dead end.
Johle went to Newlin
with a copy of the state’s hate crime law in her hand, but according the
Lesbian/Gay Rights Lobby of Texas (LGRL), currently, there is no state law
to protect students from such harassment in Texas schools.
State Representative
Garnet Coleman (D-Houston) tried to change that during the most recent
legislative session by authoring the “Dignity for All Students Act,”
which would have addressed this type of issue. The bill was referred to
the House Committee on Public Education, but Committee Chair Kent
Grusendorf refused to give it a hearing.
Students have sought
relief from harassment and discrimination under the Equal Protection
Clause of the 14th Amendment, as well as Title IX of the Education
Amendments Act of 1972. However, these laws do not specifically protect
students from discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender
identity.
“In failing to pass
the “Dignity for All Students Act” the leadership of the legislature
failed a significant portion of the Texas population,” LGRL Field
Coordinator Colin Cunliff said. “And the consequences are deplorable,
such as the loss of Tesia Samara’s life.”
Johle has refused to
give up and will continue to fight to discover the truth behind Tesia’s
death. She had Tesia’s body cremated and while almost 300 people
attended the memorial Service in Rockdale, Johle refuses to have Tesia
buried there.
“He hated this damn
place,” Johle told the Austin-American Statesman. “I sure as hell
wasn’t going to bury him in a city he hated so badly.”
The
Poetry of Tesia Samara
Thinking
Pains
All of
the time
I see
myself thinking
Thinking
all inside
Dreaded
thought to thought
Carefully
linking
Bringing
my death in shapes and size
I’m
self-destructing thinking
Submerged
to lose
I am
sinking
Nest of
serpents
My own
twisted mind
Creative
manner to deal in living
Grown to
stern
Ripped at
stern
Evil in
root
I see
myself thinking
All of
the time.
Transgenderism
Took a
turn too far
To
trespass
To know
that I am nothing more
Than an
error in eternity
Held
hands, to keep me here.
But that
hand slipped,
Clover
discolored,
Misintended
as I was blighted;
We never
meant to be this.
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